Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
And then he peed in my hair
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