HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
