i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
