Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
