its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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