If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize