We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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