The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
