yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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