i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
