Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
