Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
