i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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