She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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