we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
