The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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