Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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