apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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