we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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