dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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