New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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