the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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