My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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