Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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