Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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