i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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