I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
