Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
