I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
