hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
