its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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