when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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