hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
