You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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