nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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