Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
