Screwed.edu
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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