xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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