Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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