Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
