Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
