is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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