??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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