my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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