First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
