finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
