so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
