What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
