She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
