Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Randomize