Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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