You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
