I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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