dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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