Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
