a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
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Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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