In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
