I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
