yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
