he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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