I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's shark week go big or go home
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
