Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Quick, to the slutcave!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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