Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
