If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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